Quiet- The Power Of Introverts In A World That Cant Stop Talking

As a young child, I remember my mother being constantly barraged with questions like “what is wrong with her?” I was shy around people; extremely uncomfortable around them.  If visitors came to our place I would hide in the darkest corner of the bedroom so that they would not find me. For a long time I thought I had some sort of disorder and people would often remark “huyu mtoto hapendi watu”. It sounded criminal that I would prefer to stay away from people I didn’t know very well or generally people I just didn’t think I clicked with. You see even now into my adulthood people refer to me as “mpole” or “humble” and mostly…. “deep”. To the people who know me well—that is the ones I allow into my shell— I am anything but “mpole”. My best friend who is constantly harassed about being the most likely to commit crimes as opposed to me is usually at pains to explain how I’m the crazy one. Good luck with that Ann!

I love watching TED talks and that is where I first saw Susan Cain’s talk touching on this book. It was almost as if she was speaking about me as she spoke of her own journey as an introvert and how it shaped her and finally how she came about to writing the book. I searched everywhere for this book, I went to one of my favorite bookshops in town and begged the attendants to get it just for me. My husband had to drive me to these supermarkets and bookshops in the areas where expats live (I told you he has seen it all) because I figured surely the book vendors must have figured that is where the expected readers live. When I finally found it at the books first at Nakumatt Mega I screamed! Yes, I was that excited.

I did not need to get past page one to know I was in love with the book. The book begins with a list of 10 very accurate statements titled “a manifesto for introverts”. Number 7 in particular grabbed me:

It is OK to cross the street to avoid making small talk.

Extroverts may never understand this but I am sure that some introverts in here who cringe at the point in a conversation where someone uses the word “otherwise” know exactly what I’m talking about. You see…..introverts value deep and meaningful conversations. So small talk, and in the middle of the street, we all know that this is pure torture. I cannot begin to count the number of times that I’ve had to run for fear of this small talk. Later on in the review you will get to know that what triggers this response is the stimulation of my amygdala.

She begins the book with the story of Rosa Parks. In her introduction, the author contrasts between the character of Rosa Parks and the vocal Martin Luther King and how these two types of people complement each other. In another chapter in the book, she brings out this complementary dynamic as was seen in the presidency of Franklin D. Roosevelt, an extrovert, and his wife Eleanor, an introvert, which proved to be the greatest asset in his administration.

The book talks about the extrovert ideal and how we have been socialized to think that if someone is not bold/assertive and social they have no place in the current society. Through the influx of millions of self-help books that talk about charismatic leadership, how to win friends and influence people and what not, we are constantly being fed the extrovert ideal where we are urged to develop an extroverted personality for us to be considered successful. Being an extrovert is currently considered the better/superior personality.

In the book, the author actually debunks the myth that extroverts make the ideal leader. She establishes this through a study conducted at Harvard Business School. In her research she discovered that an introvert leader tends to listen more and to incorporate the ideas of their team in their decisions. This is much unlike the decisions likely to be made by an extrovert who may tend to impose their singular view.

One chapter of the book made me really think about this thing we call “team work” and the dangers of group think. This is something I have always struggled with as an introvert. How essential is collaboration when we want to achieve a result, and more importantly….does collaboration inhibit creativity? She begins the chapter with the story of Stephen Wozniak as a young man who had been obsessed with electronics from the age of 3. He attends a meeting of fellow engineers determined to make computers accessible to regular people. If you know the history of computers you know that they were bulky and common people did not have access to them. I digress. Although Wozniak is excited to be around what he calls kindred spirits, he only designs the first sketch of the computer when he is alone and later builds the first prototype of the machine. In his memoir, he gives advice to kids who aspire to great creativity as;

“I do not believe anything revolutionary has been invented by a committee. Work alone. You are going to be best able to design revolutionary products and features if you are working on your own. Not on a committee, not on a team.”

Before I leave that chapter and because it is very important for me as an advocate of non-conformism, one thing caught my eye. In the book, a psychologist named Solomon Asch conducted a series of experiments on the dangers of group influence. In one of the studies, he had the subjects take a vision test and when he subsequently asked them questions individually, 95% answered correctly. He then planted actors who confidently volunteered an incorrect answer and in this case, the number of correct answers plummeted to 25%! This shows the power of conformity. So why do we conform? Would you believe that the reduction in percentages is not attributable to the fact that the people did not know that the answer was incorrect while in the group but that they knew the answer but decided to go along for fear of rejection?!!! The stimulation of the amygdala plays a part in this.

The book is full of numerous studies and examples that I found quite fascinating and I hope you will too. In particular, I loved the chapter on the crash of Wall Street (I recently developed a weird fascination with Wall Street after reading the Big Short by Michael Lewis). The chapter explores how introverts and extroverts think and process dopamine differently. The concept brought out in this chapter is that of reward sensitivity.  A lot of research has been conducted on the last crash of Wall Street in an attempt to establish what was the reason behind it. For the persons interested in examining it from an angle of personality dynamics, they would know that extroverts are what is termed as reward sensitive. This means that the dopamine levels of extroverts increase significantly with the promise of rewards. Hence, extroverts are more likely to gamble more, take more uncalculated risks and experience over stimulation at the promise of rewards. Whereas introverts take risks, they tend to do so in a more calculated way and are more cautious. One of the examples of scandals given is that of one of my favorite, the Enron scandal. One of the few people who tried to sound the alarm—Vincent Kaminski—found himself stripped of his power to review company deals. The Enron President once scolded him for not helping people “to do transactions” and instead “acting like a cop”. In his own words, he says, “the problem is that, on one side you have a rainmaker making money for the company and is treated like a superstar and on the other side you have an introverted nerd. So who do you think wins”? So then, does this mean that extroverts lead most of the companies that are bound to take a great fall? I reserve my opinion until you read the book and share your deductions.

As to the question of whether the extrovert ideal is hailed in all cultures, the author dissects the business culture of Asians and actually finds that it is influenced a lot by the Confucian philosophy. You only need to read the Analects of Confucius to know that a man of contemplation is “slow to speak, slow to anger and is mild mannered”. As per Confucius, which the writer agrees with, the principles of filial piety and deep humility set out the difference between the superior man and the inferior man. When I think about it, I know that most of my deeply held values are shaped by the Analects of Confucius. The Book then makes you wonder if the self-restraint that is the cornerstone of this culture works for its adherents as opposed to the bold brash nature of other cultures. I tend to think that a human being should be balanced in his or her temperament…especially in our modern day society that I would say is a bit sensitive to partisan views.

The book makes a case for the previously shunned introverts. The author urges everyone not to overlook introverts but to generally identify their strengths as deep thinkers, strategists and analysts. For parents who are blessed to have introvert children, there is a must read chapter. For those who are yearning to understand their introvert spouse/friend/colleague, the author introduces a fascinating concept of a free trait agreement. I shall not spoil the joy of the chapter. You will love reading and applying it.

As much as  the book talks about introverts and makes a case for us, overall, I recommend it to everyone and especially persons in leadership positions who are struggling to understand the thinking of their subordinates. I assure you that this is not the ordinary self-help book, the author actually goes against the general grain. The book will not disappoint you. Thank me later.